


Looking Back

by Bluepeg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Rigel Black Chronicles
Genre: Angst, Character Study?, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by The Rigel Black Chronicles, how tag, no beta we die like my motivation, what am I do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepeg/pseuds/Bluepeg
Summary: I triedWould they do it all again?
Relationships: Harry Potter & Arcturus Rigel Black
Comments: 15
Kudos: 41
Collections: Rigel Black Exchange Round 2





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [canvasoforange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/canvasoforange/gifts).



> have fun ?

It’s quiet as the snow perches softly on the monument and the bare cypress branches around it. 

It’s quiet in Harry’s head too. Her mountainscape is silent and cooling, her pyramid and Egyptian city crumbling away without their pharaoh to rule over them. She has not visited either for a long time. 

Aldon Rosier would understand, she thinks. But Aldon Rosier is a name carved onto the solemn black rectangle that stands in front of her. 

So are Lily Potter, James Potter, and Sirius Black.

In remembrance of their sacrifices for a better world, the monument says. 

Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Ron Weasley.

Severus Snape. Leo Hurst. So many names, each one tearing into Harry’s heart. 

_ (Draco isn’t there, but he’s gone from Harry’s life anyway.)  _

Harry can’t even cry. Her eyes are as frozen and cold as the snow wafting from the grey sky. She has cried for them all before, for all the names that were once people, but she cannot summon the tears anymore.

There’s a barely audible sniff from next to her. Unlike Harry, Archie’s eyes can always draw up more tears, like there is an endless reservoir where those salty trails of water come from.

Harry links her arm with Archie’s. There isn’t a need to speak out loud in this glassy space. 

They stand there for a little while longer, snow gathering gentle and delicate on their winter robes and hats. Harry spins her wand (holly and phoenix feather, unusual) and a bouquet of white poppies and light, breathy purple lavender flowers bring themselves to settle before the monument. Then she tucks her wand away and she and Archie depart with steps sunk in the snow.

Godric’s Hollow rises from the misty landscape, the twinkling cottages and warm yellow lights blooming from the soft white surroundings. The people there are happy, surrounded by family and friends. Their children will go to Hogwarts no matter their blood type. 

Archie stops suddenly and turns to Harry. His eyes are beautiful, still, but the sparkle has been gone for three years. Gone since they were fourteen, and young, and happy. This Archie has been a rare smiler.

“Would you do it again?” He asks. 

Harry’s hand wanders up to her forehead, where a jagged scar lies from the failed Killing Curse Voldemort cast what seemed like decades ago. She remembers the Dark Defense Disk shattering, pieces splintering in the air, when the curse tried to extinguish her life.

Would she do it again? The fateful moment of decision when she was eleven. The years of being Rigel Black, smiling her way through bigotry and insults, spinning lies and feeding them to everyone she loved and the whole world, because halfbloods could not go to Hogwarts.

The years where she had real friends, where she ran towards a glowing dream of a life of Potions, where her mind was a place to relax and have tea, where her wand came out to cast classwork and not to deflect Entrails-Expelling curses or draw the bloody wounds of a friend closed. 

The years where she had her parents and adults that loved her unconditionally, and she had not deserved their love.

Harry realizes that she does have tears after all, because they’re streaking hot down her face in the wake of what she knows she will say.

“Yes.”

And she both hates and loves it. 


	2. (A memory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two

_ Harry is exhausted. Her fingers are numb and aching and her eyes want nothing more than to slide shut on the spot. Boxes upon boxes of potions lay in the basement, ready to be distributed among the movement’s allies.  _

_ “You need to sleep, Harry,” says Archie as he downs another half-cup of strong coffee. He’s standing in the entrance to the basement, still in Healer robes with a pen in hand and his wand in his holster. “You’ve been there all day brewing potions that require high magical input.” _

_ Harry looks around the basement. Do they have enough Skele-grow and Blood Replenishers and Essence of Dittany? The days where she’s able to just brew and brew are less often as she’s summoned more and more to the front lines of the war against Voldemort.  _

_ “C’mon, Harry,” urges Archie. “I know this is important, but you can’t make potions if you’re half-dead.” _

_ “Okay,” replies Harry. “I’m going. What about you? I see your coffee, Archie. I’m pretty sure that much coffee at fifteen isn’t healthy.” _

_ “I just need to finish writing another letter,” Archie says. “Come on. I need to see you go upstairs or you might just stay down here and fall asleep in your cauldron.” _

_ Harry glances around the room one more time to ensure everything is in its proper place before trudging towards Archie. “Have you gotten anything from Leo?” she asks. _

_ “Yeah. He’s fine. The Lower Alley folks are doing their best, and he says they’ve got some important information about the Death Eaters.” _

_ “Thanks, Archie,” says Harry. She’s reached the top of the stairs. “Hey, Archie?” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Would you do it again? Everything?” _

_ Archie stands there, unmoving, the shadows beneath his eyes seeming to deepen. He swallows the rest of the coffee.  _

_ “I don’t really know, Harry. Was it worth it? When I went to AIM, I didn’t think I’d be applying my education to a war. All this bloodshed, all this fighting. So much has changed in so little time. This is awful. But the most awful part is that I think I would do it again, because if we’d never gone through with this I’d never have met Hermione, and Hermione is like half my life. I just hope that everything turns out semi-okay in the end.” Archie tries to smile, but it flickers out and he looks down at the floor. “I see Hermione every day, but _ \-- _ I just don’t want to wake up one day and know she’s gone and that I won’t see her again.” _

_ Harry takes the empty cup from Archie and sets it on the dining table, then shuffles towards their rooms, tugging on Archie’s sleeve the entire time. Archie can finish his letter tomorrow. Lily and James are sleeping already, and it’s just Harry and Archie awake in the Fidelius-protected house. _

_ Archie just lies on his side of the bed, quiet in the heavy air.  _

_ “Goodnight, Archie,” whispers Harry from her side. “You’ll see Hermione tomorrow.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that was a fun read

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes I tried ;))


End file.
